“Be More & Achieve More!”

Dear Reader: Warm Greetings to You,

In these cold, frosty, icy winter days, it’s nice to be able to relax with a warm drink and a book that provides a worth-while read, or to watch a movie that is truly gripping (and TV as far back as my child-hood days in this season is much more stimulating on the whole than the rest of the year) - and its always better with friends who share the same interests. So I have been away for a while, as you can see from the absence of blog posts over the last couple of months, but here is something I found rather interesting and wanted to share it with you; ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair’s understanding of what made the Labour Party when he first joined it and then grew within it..

From early on, even before my election to Parliament in 1983, I had realised the Labour problem was self-made and self-induced. We were not in touch with the modern world. We could basically attract two sorts of people: those who by tradition were Labour, and those who came to a position of support for socialism or social democracy through an intellectual process. Many trade union activists were in the first category; I was a member of the second. Neither group were what I would call ‘mainstream’, and together they did not remotely add up to a constituency large enough to be in a position to win and govern.

But all progressive movements have to beware their own success. The progress they make reinvents the society they work in, and they must in turn reinvent themselves to keep up, otherwise they become hollow echoes from a once loud, strong voice, reverberating still, but to little effect. As their consequence diminishes, so their dwindling adherents become ever more shrill and strident, more solicitous of protecting their own shrinking space rather than understanding that the voice of the times has moved on and they must listen before speaking. In happens in all organisations. It is fatal to those who are never confronted by a reckoning that forces them to face up and get wise. The new leaders of the unions tended to ape the old, but in a context so changed that it became increasingly pointless except in maintaining the morale of those who just wanted to carry on as they were.

..

As I surveyed the wreckage of the Labour Party in the aftermath of the 1983 election, I knew change had to come about. The trade union base simply could not support a modern political party if it was to be a governing party.

In time I came to another conclusion, concerning the second category of people attracted to the party. The intellectual Fabian way of the Labour Party had deep roots and a venerable history. Its leading lights, often born relatively wealthy but who were indignant about inequality, were remarkable people. Like George Orwell, Hugh Dalton, Stafford Cripps and the members of the New Left Book Club and the Haldane Society, they tended to be erudite, committed, passionate and intensely intellectual in approach. Tony Benn was an example. Tony Crossland was another (indeed he has taught Benn at Oxford). As was the case with me, they had their first taste of left politics through university life. In that rather artificial environment, there had been an insight gained into the iniquity of the system; a conversion arising from a realisation that social conditions did indeed beget opportunity or the lack of it; an encounter of ideas that altered their life view. Once so altered, they became staunch advocates of social action and of the party of the trade unions and the working class whose lives had to be liberated from the conditions of poor housing, poor education, and poor health care.

It took me a long time to work out what the problem with this second group was: although they cared for people, they didn’t ‘feel’ like them. They were like the Georges Duhamel character who says, ‘I love humanity, it’s just human beings I can’t stand.’ I don’t mean, incidentally, that they were aloof or unpleasant – they were often charming and fun - but they didn’t ‘get’ aspiration. They were almost too altruistic for their own political good. When injustice and inequality were reduced – in part through their efforts – they failed to see what would happen. A person who is poor first needs someone to care about it, and then to act; but when no longer poor, their objective may then become to be well off. In other words, for such a person it is about aspiration, ambition, getting on and going up, making some money, keeping their family in good style, having their children do better than them. My dad’s greatest wish was that I be educated privately, and not just any old private school, he chose Fettes because he thought and had been told it was the best in Scotland.

The problem with the intellectual types was that they didn’t quite understand the process; or if they did, rather resented it. In a sense they wanted to celebrate the working class, not make them middle class – but middle class was precisely what your average worker wanted himself or his kids to be. The intellectuals’ belief in equality strayed dangerously into the realm of equality of income, not equality of opportunity. The latter was a liberator; the former would quickly become and be seen as a constraint. The impulse of many of those helped by well-meaning intellectuals was essentially meritocratic, not egalitarian – they wanted to be helped on to the ladder, but once on it, they thought ascending it was up to them.

As the 1980s gave way to the 1990s and the defeats kept coming, I became ever more convinced that there were crucial bits of a governing coalition missing for Labour. Where was our business support? Where were our links into the self-employed? Above all, where were the aspirant people, the ones doing well but who wanted to do better; the ones at the bottom who had dreams of the top? The intellectuals were right is saying social conditions determined success in life – but only in part. So did hard work, character, determination, grit, get-up-and-go. Where were those people in our ranks? Nowhere, I concluded.

Extracted from his recent autobiography “A Journey”, Hutchinson/Random House, 2010, pp 40-41, 42-43.

Many other parts of the book are revealing of the man who led the country, Great Britain, of which it was said, “Has an empire on which the sun never set”, for over 3 historical Labour terms. Time and opportunity-permitting, I will extract those parts that help highlight the leadership qualities of this man and how he handled conflicts such as the mysterious death of Lady Diana and her partner Dodi Fayed, as well as his decision to take the country for invasion of Iraq on the pretext of Saddam Hussein’s ‘weapons of mass destruction’.

For Success and Contentment,

Asad Khan

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Hi,

Here is something that I wanted to share with you; so sit back, watch, read, listen and enjoy.

Remember, if you are in a state of denial, look around at the physical wonders around you - WHO created them and for what? Look into yourself and see what you are really made of. Don’t deny arrogantly nor confuse matters of Faith with those of dogma. Open your eyes and be frank with the Truth, perchance you may really see the beauty around and within you. Thereafter turn to Him, who created all, and thank Him for it all….For if you get this part right, all else will follow and things will fall into place. I know this, let me tell you why further below:

1:00 But rather they belied the Truth when it came to them & so they are in a state of confusion

1:07 Have they not looked up to the sky above them, how We have built it and adorned it and that there is no rift therein?

Earth, Flawless Sky, Rain, Water, Gardens, Grain, Produce of all kinds, Land, Life…
Then why deny: look at the end of those who came before you: destroyed for their iniquities: remnants of a time gone by…confused of their Creation.

3:18 And We indeed created man and We know what his soul whispers within him, and We are nearer to him than even his jugular vein.

Long before when i was much younger, I used to think of things related to existence, world, universe and so on whilst others were thinking/talking of matters more closer to them: what people said, think, wore, went, watched etcetera. So they used to think I must be of my rocker - well not exactly, just perhaps that I was a little aloof. Well, recently I went through a period of thinking how others think on a regular basis. I didn’t intend it to do so, it just happened that way. Probably because it was meant to be so that i may learn what it means to see the world through such lenses. Anyway, I can tell you that I didn’t like it. I can understand, and relate to it as necessary, but it often ends up with me getting into some kind of argument. So, I realise that its not ‘my cup of tea’ and that I’m suited to sticking to matters of higher concern and priority.

See people will live according to their levels of thinking. This truly is the defining factor, not what you wear/live/drive/work/associate with, although these aspects can help from time-to-time. No, what really matters is attitude and level of thinking. If that is in order, then all else gets sorted along the way.

So, as Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” So, when humanity is in crisis, as it is, do you think the type of leadership that currently exists can resolve it? What’s happening in Palestine/Israel? Is it a matter of “Leadership” in the ordinary sense, or do you think it requires Leadership of a pristine level: as like with the types of Saladin (Salahuddin)?

So my friend, one can talk of ‘leadership’ ’till the cows come home’ but the foundation of pure leadership is in bringing into perspective. and integrating, proper beliefs and values.

We’ll talk further but as ever,

For Success & Contentment,

Asad Khan

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…like waves? Well, you are now familiar from the post below how men have an intimacy cycle, one that most men don’t seem to understand, let alone women they are attached to. But that’s the trick here: to pick-up key ideas and tools that help create a greater self-awareness and insights into fulfilling your inherent potential that you have been born with. We don’t all have the necessary skills to lead a perfect life and to grapple each issue that life challenges us with ease and grace, but if we hone our skills - communication, confidence, thinking, relationships, networking, and others, then I ‘m sure you’ll agree that we move closer to fulfilling that potential rather leaving it dormant.

So, as the man begins to understand his own cycle and reassures the women when he pulls away that he will be back, it helps more so with the women’s wave mood: she feels high when acknowledged, loved and appreciated - her self-esteem rises when she’s feeling good about herself. But when she’s not, the peak turns downwards and the wave crashes down. This crash is temporary however and automatically her wave will begin to rise.

A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is usually a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. When not feeling as good about herself, she is unable to be as accepting and appreciative of her partner. At her down times, she tends to be feel frustrated and more emotionally reactive. At the time when her wave is at the bottom, she is vulnerable and in need of more love. When the man understands this, he can give her what she needs and not make unreasonable demands. Rather, she might want some quality time, a little breathing space and typically the need to talk about her problems, to be heard and understood. This tendency of the woman coming down is like her going into her ‘well’ where she is sinking into her unconscious self to do some ‘mental & emotional house-cleaning’. But if she is supported and cared for whilst at the bottom, she will soon rise back again to share her love in her relationships.

A common mistake men make is to think that once she is high she can remain there forever. Not so lucky guys! Listen, just as you need to retreat and pull back to have intimacy, women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. It just like the 4 seasons, you don’t get hot summer all the year round! Life, like the seasons, moves in rhythms and merge seamlessly into one another. So when a women is having an emotional winter, love and support her so that she can move into spring and to the shiny summer sooner where she can radiate her full love to you. Both men and women have such love rhythms and its important to reflect them back to each other, as they do not necessarily coincide in a timely fashion.

So how can a man help his wife to rise back? Firstly, by not attempting to ‘fix’ her. See, its one thing a women having to go into her well to tidy her emotional clutter whilst being supported, but its another if she’s told that she needs to be ‘fixed’! When this happens you know what to expect: a row and a bust-up. I know how we men like to look for solutions to fix problems, but as has been mentioned repeatedly, the woman needs to be heard. Her talking about her issues, however mundane they may appear to you, are her way of healing and you can expect her to become more upset if you do truly listen to her. Let her express, vent and clear-up because she’ll feel lighter for it as this will help her to release the baggage and rise up.

To support a woman when she is in her well is a special talent and benefit that will help the relationship move through the years and seasons without you even noticing it as such. Just remember, the likelihood of issues being repeated whilst she’s in her ‘well’ are high. They may be deep issues, old issues, repeated issues, or whatever the flavour of the day happens to be. Whatever it is, the man will do good to help validate her feelings whenever she’s gone down to her ‘well’. He may never resolve the issue, or ‘fix’ it, but the essence of the support is in his giving time, space and appreciation to her feelings. He, nor her, ought to ever think that he is at fault for her going into her ‘well’. Nor is he a failure for not resolving the issues regardless of how many times they may reoccur. Again, its about providing the safety for her to express and for him to validate her feelings.

So men who support their women intelligently and patiently reap the most reward for the woman is comforted by the idea of having a man who understands her well enough for her to trust and relate to.

I hope this insight helps add to the conveniences of our natural relationships so that the true beauty of the otherness in the significant other is sought, harnessed and matured.

For Success and Contentment,

Asad

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