“Be More & Achieve More!”

…like waves? Well, you are now familiar from the post below how men have an intimacy cycle, one that most men don’t seem to understand, let alone women they are attached to. But that’s the trick here: to pick-up key ideas and tools that help create a greater self-awareness and insights into fulfilling your inherent potential that you have been born with. We don’t all have the necessary skills to lead a perfect life and to grapple each issue that life challenges us with ease and grace, but if we hone our skills - communication, confidence, thinking, relationships, networking, and others, then I ‘m sure you’ll agree that we move closer to fulfilling that potential rather leaving it dormant.

So, as the man begins to understand his own cycle and reassures the women when he pulls away that he will be back, it helps more so with the women’s wave mood: she feels high when acknowledged, loved and appreciated - her self-esteem rises when she’s feeling good about herself. But when she’s not, the peak turns downwards and the wave crashes down. This crash is temporary however and automatically her wave will begin to rise.

A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is usually a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. When not feeling as good about herself, she is unable to be as accepting and appreciative of her partner. At her down times, she tends to be feel frustrated and more emotionally reactive. At the time when her wave is at the bottom, she is vulnerable and in need of more love. When the man understands this, he can give her what she needs and not make unreasonable demands. Rather, she might want some quality time, a little breathing space and typically the need to talk about her problems, to be heard and understood. This tendency of the woman coming down is like her going into her ‘well’ where she is sinking into her unconscious self to do some ‘mental & emotional house-cleaning’. But if she is supported and cared for whilst at the bottom, she will soon rise back again to share her love in her relationships.

A common mistake men make is to think that once she is high she can remain there forever. Not so lucky guys! Listen, just as you need to retreat and pull back to have intimacy, women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. It just like the 4 seasons, you don’t get hot summer all the year round! Life, like the seasons, moves in rhythms and merge seamlessly into one another. So when a women is having an emotional winter, love and support her so that she can move into spring and to the shiny summer sooner where she can radiate her full love to you. Both men and women have such love rhythms and its important to reflect them back to each other, as they do not necessarily coincide in a timely fashion.

So how can a man help his wife to rise back? Firstly, by not attempting to ‘fix’ her. See, its one thing a women having to go into her well to tidy her emotional clutter whilst being supported, but its another if she’s told that she needs to be ‘fixed’! When this happens you know what to expect: a row and a bust-up. I know how we men like to look for solutions to fix problems, but as has been mentioned repeatedly, the woman needs to be heard. Her talking about her issues, however mundane they may appear to you, are her way of healing and you can expect her to become more upset if you do truly listen to her. Let her express, vent and clear-up because she’ll feel lighter for it as this will help her to release the baggage and rise up.

To support a woman when she is in her well is a special talent and benefit that will help the relationship move through the years and seasons without you even noticing it as such. Just remember, the likelihood of issues being repeated whilst she’s in her ‘well’ are high. They may be deep issues, old issues, repeated issues, or whatever the flavour of the day happens to be. Whatever it is, the man will do good to help validate her feelings whenever she’s gone down to her ‘well’. He may never resolve the issue, or ‘fix’ it, but the essence of the support is in his giving time, space and appreciation to her feelings. He, nor her, ought to ever think that he is at fault for her going into her ‘well’. Nor is he a failure for not resolving the issues regardless of how many times they may reoccur. Again, its about providing the safety for her to express and for him to validate her feelings.

So men who support their women intelligently and patiently reap the most reward for the woman is comforted by the idea of having a man who understands her well enough for her to trust and relate to.

I hope this insight helps add to the conveniences of our natural relationships so that the true beauty of the otherness in the significant other is sought, harnessed and matured.

For Success and Contentment,

Asad

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Hi there,

In my previous blog just below I referred to case of Provision and how the the Sustainer provides from above for us all - unconditionally. And if you really think about, and link this with my earlier blog dated October 15th (2008), it’s all a lesson for those of us who will, for a moment, just stop, pay attention to Higher Order, and let feelings of gratefulness emit for what there is, rather than worrying about what there isn’t.

Yesterday I was feeling totally out of it (because of cold syptoms) and was considering flying off to an exotic place in the sun for a change. What, with the idea of sun, sea, sand and palm trees, it was a tempting image not easy to remove from my minds eye. And I might ask a friend or two to join me on the excursion so we could enjoy some good times, laughter and perhaps adventure. It was a plausible idea and it swept me from my work the instant it penetrated my head. Wow! I could escape away from this grey and rather murky weather and go to swim in warm waters, walk along soft sand and take in some deeps breaths of fresh air and look up to a blue spotless sky. I haven’t done this in a while and it may be just what my physiology needs. Then, as always, I snapped out of it; “not yet as I’ve got quit a bit on” I thought and the former picture soon faded away. Instead, I tidied my desk, left the office and drove home through the rain to have a lemsip prepared for me by my wife.

This was something I was very grateful for and as much as I’d like to have escaped, I was deeply comforted by the care offered to me. In fact, it removed any former notion of getting away for a fortnight as I knew this kind of care wouldn’t necesarily be on hand - unless I took her with me…

But this is the point I wanted to bring forward as news continues to get hurled at us about the global financial crisis amongst other things: that despite the various kinds of issues and challenges that we may be facing, let’s not forget the crucial element of appreciating the ‘finer’ things in life. You know, the ability to communicate, engage, relate, connect, think, imagine, feed, clothe, travel and all such beautiful things. The list is literally endless as we can highlight so many aspects that we can, if we decide to pay heed to them, begin to count as blessings and become more certain about how we decide to live our life.

When we develop our spiritual ken, we begin to understand the inter-relatedness of many things. Sure life can get awkward from time to time, as I’ve said before, but its not what’s out there that’s going to increase the quality of our lives, it’s what’s within. Have you ever considered that in a moment your eyesight may be removed, you may have a tragic accident, you may lose someone you feel deeply connected to, or you may not enjoy the level of creature comforts that you once had? But whatever the uncontrollable changes that life teases us with, the better, stronger and wiser amongst realise that the causes and effects that we are all part of are just a means of testing our inner worth and the sense of choice.

Of course we have to make adjustments to cater for the extraordinary circumstances, but how do we keep ourselves from despairing, ‘losing the rag’ (so to speak) or simply wanting to escape? We need to develop our personal mission and remain true to it. What’s more, we need to give ourselves the time to reflect and cultivate an eye of veneration in order to understand the timeless truths of life and the boundless beauty of the universe around us. We then need to connect back to the basics of relationships and appreciate the often neglected aspects of friendship and companionship and fulfil the rights towards to one another.

We can help ourselves to get grounded and reach the inner core of our existence and shift to place of surity. Remember the following taken from page 63 of the MPPPL workbook:-

“Behold! In the creation of the heavens and the earth; in the alteration of the night and day; in the sailing of the ships across the ocean for the profit of mankind; in the rain which God sends down form the skies, and the life which gives therewith to an earth that is dead; in the beasts of all kinds that He scatters through the earth; in the change of the winds, and the clouds that are trailed between the sky and the earth - there are indeed signs for the wise” (2:164)

From the difficulties surrounding us at various levels, the sure reality is that we have more going for us than we tend to appreciate. This is how can shift the pattern of self-detriment to fulfilment and contentment. Inevitably, we have to do more to fine tune the inner vision. How can you do this you ask? Don’t delay and get the MPPPL Workbook from the Ark2Ark site.

Also, don’t forget the next seminar on the 18th December, The Magic of Relationships. More on that a little later, but book early to avoid disappointment.

For Success and Contentment

Asad Khan

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Often times people will get stuck on an issue that pre-occupies the mind no end. This could range in form and type where on the one hand it may be about someone having uttered something, perhaps neglectfully, rather than maliciously, and on the other hand it could about who to share the rest of your life with! What I have found most interestingly is this: that people are prepared to make huge personal sacrifices, to say health or time, for the sake of pre-occupation with an issue.

We all know that we have to continue to ride the ebbs and flow of life, so what gets us so hung-up on issues that may not even figure much in the grand scale of life? The answer is this: the lack of priorities. When a person hasn’t given sufficient thought to their place in the scheme of life, or found significant roles to fulfill, or defined their personal mission or understood which ways they are going to contribute back to the common pool of progress, then you will find a person who gets stuck into every little event - or nonevent - for the sake of utilising their finite energy in some way or another.

But take a person who has given due consideration to their personal roles, mission, vision, ambition, areas of contribution, relationships, and code of ethics and you will find a purposeful person who lives by priorities rather than reaction.

Looking out of my office window, I can see a busy 4-way road junction that has traffic lights with pedestrian crossings on each of the four sides. Now, firstly we must appreciate the ability of invention for such useful and purposeful mechanism for creating traffic order. Secondly, it brings home the point that we have to understand, appreciate, accept, and live by an order of things that will be mutually beneficial for all. By doing so, we create harmony not only in our own personal lives, but in the lives of those who surround us.

Imagine for a moment if such technology did not exist: who would have right of way and who should remain stationary? How would drivers know when to go and when to slow down or stop? How would drivers recognise the rights of pedestrians and vice versa?

So you see, the mark of individual distinction arises from realising the priorities of affairs and most importantly, that which helps shape your life according to your best ideals and highest goals. This is something that I expand on in the workbook “How to Maximise Peace and Power through Pure Leadership” available as either an e-copy (£15) or hard copy (£20). Chapter 2 (Work The Edge) deals with the essence of leadership, personal growth, development and effectiveness with a focus on the being, rather than just the doing. Because we tend to lost sight of what really matters, we get caught-up in the thick of minor things. This isn’t to say that certain issues don’t require a greater degree of attention at particular points in time, such as picking a partner to share the rest of your life with - they do - but then we have to take it in our stride and move on. It’s not correct to remain stationary when the lights have turned green!

Similarly, the more successful people and centered people are those who deal with life’s issues almost like a traffic signal system: Red = stop = give more attention as required. Amber = slow down = take caution if changing from green upwards / or get ready to set-off if coming down from red. Green = flow through smoothly towards your desired destination.

So consider who has priority in your life? What are you paying more emphasis to? How are you dealing with issues and what level of priority do they really require? Once you grasp this key idea, you can apply the Red/ Yellow/Green code to most things and move forwards to achieving greater success and fulfillment as a result.

Get your copy of the workbook here

Best wishes,

Asad Khan

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