“Be More & Achieve More!”

In the early hours of Tuesday night (3^rd of January 2012), I got a call at 3:00am that my beloved father, Mohammed Afzal Khan, had peacefully passed away, at the age of 78, and his soul’s journey had moved to the next stage of its journey. I made my way back to Manchester from the south of England by car and arrived by 11:00 am to find the process of communications between the coroner, mortuary (at the hospital) and the personal medical doctor were all underway, with my three brothers and two sisters being kept abreast of it.

Due to Islamic prescriptions of burying the deceased as soon as possible, we were all anxious that the body was released sooner rather than later. But owing to his excellent general health, the medical practitioner was unable to issue a death certificate. However, with some assistance from friendly local municipal councillors, who sent emails to the coroner, we managed to get the body by late Thursday afternoon. His body was washed on Friday morning, prepared for burial – only two sheets of cloths are required to cover the body – and then transferred to the mosque where the final prayers would be made over it.

The funeral was well-attended, some 2,500 people or so came from multiple sides, the mosque was over-capacity and so many had to pray outside in the car park area to ensure attendance.

The body was then transferred to the graveyard with some following the hearse vehicle and many others making their own way. His body was lowered directly to the ground six feet below onto the cold, wet earth, wrapped in the two clean white cloths, with his face showing, and then turned eastwards towards the direction of Mecca. Further involuntary prayers and supplications were read over the grave by Imam’s who were touched by the whole scene and felt a close attachment with my father both in living days and on his departure from this plane of existence.

Now, here is what is more surprising, in a sense, than any of the procedures or indeed his sudden departure: the number, range and type of people who visited our houses to remember him fondly – women, including my mother, were in the adjacent house and men in my father’s house.

Since my arrival on Wednesday morning until Monday morning, apart from the burial day of Friday, I have personally been receiving people from eleven in the morning ‘til eleven in the evening. Many expressed their shock and disbelief of his expiration, as he was so fit and healthy, whilst others recounted their times with him.

One of the oft-repeated aspects mentioned by them was my father’s kindness and ability to make people feel warm, special and welcome when meeting them – both young and old. It’ll be easier for me to copy here what I put on my facebook and twitter statuses on the morning of January 6th:

“Dear Friends, the loss of any near one is a gap that cannot be easily filled, but even more if it was one who was a pillar of society: one who combines the secular and religious seamlessly such that the social and spiritual merge with grace, beauty, mystifying power and great resolve. One who crossed continents yet had deep care for one-and-all on both sides of the global hemisphere; one who gave his full attention, willingness and magical smile to both young and old alike to make each feel extra special, assured, centred and clear-minded; one who resolved conflicts, aided the insecure, helped fulfil the aspirations of the eager, and gave comfort to those in distress. A person of principles with huge self-dignity, his goal was to make people see the brighter side of life. This is just a glimpse of my dedicated Father, whose soul entered the next stage of its journey a couple of nights ago, and whose body will be buried by me and my brothers tomorrow on the glorious day of Friday. Please join me with your refined thoughts and prayers in earnestly asking Almighty God to have mercy on his soul. Thank you.”

Esteemed people of the society came and sat with us at home and through this testing time, I managed to get right to the heart of why so many endearingly remembered him. This is what I want to share with you here as I feel it will assist manifold in the common relations we have amongst us whilst we attempt to tackle the issues of everyday life on top of the global concerns surrounding us. He was not the richest, most powerful or the most famous, but he was amongst the most caring, sincerest, principled and whole-hearted of people.

Until his last days, he was himself running a daily luncheon club for the elderly. Though we all told him to leave it and rest more, his view was that it provided him daily activity, a focus, and an opportunity to engage with others; something I only came to truly understand posthumously.

His affectionate concern for others stemmed from a deep appreciation for how sincere and useful others were towards him just as he was unreservedly towards them. Colour, creed, gender, role, status, socio-economic class were not barriers or his measurements for bonding, but moreover, the genuine application a greater value system of others within inter-personal relations.

This value-system is what carried him into the political arena where the Rt. Hon Gerald Kaufmann, MP has been a long-standing friend of his (for over thirty years). I believe given the right circumstances, he would have made a brilliant cabinet minister. But he had a young family to take care of in a new country, get them through education - which was his main priority - look after the household here in England as well as those overseas, including the needs of several relations who called upon him living in Pakistan, Canada and elsewhere.

Apart from these practical issues, another feature that kept him slightly away from committing fully-fledged to the political machinations was his deeper spiritual understanding, strong values of ethics and principles of morals ~ with truth and justice residing above all. Accordingly, political expediency was not his mantle, nor could he accept the “rule of the mob” at the expense of ‘golden-mean’ standards. Most of the national and international issues were clarified in his mind as he saw the extension of the ‘great game’ as a farce, a denial of International law and a rejection of the idea of principles over policy. Thus, he found an alternative way, his way, in the care world.

As such, the last and only one to be with him in the depths of that Tuesday night in his transference from earthly existence to the spiritual realm was my beloved mother (75), whom he was looking after. Since that moment, she has proven herself to be a solid rock in the midst of torrent rain, wind, and engulfing sea waves of trial and tribulation. Remarkably, she retains redness in her cheeks, a glowing testimony that it is her character which has come to symbolise the 55 year partnership she had with my father.

All their children and several grandchildren will remember this message well: that a lasting partnership has love, understanding and compromise at the root of its organisation. It is now up to us to continue such a wonderful legacy with both faith and benevolent determination as we journey on back into the same Earth and beyond.

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Hi Dear Reader,

“Be the Change You Want to See in the World.”

At every stage and level of life we encounter relationships that help us to become more of who we truly need to become: a person leading a life of authentic ambition and purpose. But is this just an ideal and a fantastic thought, or is it practicable in our everyday lives?

I believe that some people are naturally gifted in dealing with other people in a way that readily breaks down barriers and helps create an air of trust. With their smooth, authentic interaction they engender mutual feelings of cooperation and dialogue and friendship is built easily. They do this without necessarily realising that they are doing anything special – and this is true of most masters in skills which they are either naturally gifted with or develop over time. Such people don’t carry any agenda’s, deploy techniques or skills, nor are they seeking any particular gain. It is the purer action of theirs that carries with it the hallmarks of sincerity and kindness that touches the other person with whom they are relating. Of course, these masters will have their share of troubles and we’ll see later how they have incorporated certain strategies at the sub-conscience level to deal with obstacles as well as difficult people and circumstances.

Yet there are many of us who struggle to get our points across at the best of times and leave meetings with feelings of distrust, doubt and false impressions. No matter how hard we try, there are things we just can’t seem to complete, tasks we can’t get done, people we upset endlessly, challenges that crop-up over and over again, and end-up with one bad encounter that leads to a souring of the mood and distraction from work all day!

As with most things in life, there are certain aspects which are inherent, internal and natural and there are other aspects that are out of direct control, unenforceable, independent. Your task should be to recognise this difference and learn to work on things that are directly under your control:

Things You Can Control

• Focus
• Self-Discipline / Time
• Behaviour & Habits
• Feelings & Intentions
• Communications Methods

Things You Don’t Control

• Other People & Their Thinking
• Their Availability (Time)
• Their Moods and States
• Their Behaviour/s & Values
• Environmental Circumstances

Even a regular glance at this list will help you to refresh the timeless aspects of things that you can control and things that you cannot. Far too often, people trip-up in their work, relationships, duties and goals because they worry too much about things that are out-of their control and don’t help themselves to grow by working on those things that are.

Here is an example for you: when you were a baby, or indeed in your mother’s womb, which aspects did you control? Did you control what others felt, how they lived, what they did or didn’t do, what happened in the society, timings, events, context, circumstances or any of the other things around you. No. You simply did what you were biologically designed to do: grow physically. But as your eyesight strengthened so did your awareness of the world. As it did, it became clearer to you that not all things are perfect, people don’t always understand what you mean, nor do you get what you want when you want it.

You also realised that certain people meant more to you than others. A special bonding with the ones who were in primary care over you led to the understanding that they can do for you as much as you liked, but then there were some expectations placed upon you that you had to deliver in accordance to. A greater realisation led you to the understanding that self-interest meant that the more you wanted to get, or do something, the more you could attempt to please others in order to obtain that objective. Without meaning to do it, you learned you could bend a situation to serve your purposes, but it just wasn’t so sure to work all the time…

Now, as an adult you know that there are several relationships at multiple levels and the fulcrum of them all is you. Your attitude and skills combined will help to foster relationships of mutual cooperation, of need, of love, of neighbourliness, of generosity and not just those of temporary convenience.

Great relationships – be they professional, social or intimate – are all dependent on one key aspect: your ability to communicate effectively, both- verbally and non-verbally. And the key to communication is having a good understanding of other people: their culture, backgrounds, context, time/stage in life, evaluating (inner-processing) styles, current priorities and commitments, pressures and challenges, etc. Of course you may not learn all of this overnight, but one Golden Formula that you can internalise now is:

“Behaviour Begets Behaviour”

If you want to achieve something with someone then carry a pure intention, a smile, and positive expectations. This will help induce into the other person the same characteristics and ensure a safer passage towards your goals. This is why the “The Magic of Relation-ships” is in understanding that a:

“A ’Relation’ is a ‘Ship’ that helps carry you to your desired destination.”

The more free and authentic you are, the greater the likelihood of achieving your aims. Not to hold other people in contempt is the surest way of freeing yourself of self-imprisonment, as the ‘ship’ won’t then travel anywhere fast!

Earlier, I said some people effortlessly get on in life as though all was made to happen for them. But as a matter of fact, we just don’t see the problems they encounter in life, work, health and relations and how they cope / respond to them. So what do they do? Well, in brief (because I want to elaborate on such aspects in future postings), they realise that relations are an asset, just as knowledge is capital, and they appreciate not only levels of authority, but also degrees of care, respect, trust and acceptance. In addition, they have a better idea of the things that are under there control and those that are not. So whether in leadership, management, at home, outdoors or at work, know the:

3 keys to Successful Relations & Happiness

1. Get a real vision of what you want and make a plan;
2. Understand what you may have to give-up to get it;
3. Take action and deal with people in the best manner possible;

Focus on the infinite possibilities of your relationships, work, life and goals. Be aware of the things that lead to distraction, worry and bitterness:

Things That Take Away Your Focus:

1. Unwarranted Fears
2. Immediate pleasures (instant gratifications) & urgency addictions
3. Other people’s demands and meddling in their affairs

“Travel Lighter, Let Go of Unwanted Concerns.”

Till next time,
For Success & Contentment,
Asad Khan

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Hi folks,

Just a quick one for you, as it’s almost the end of the day on a Friday evening, and I’ve got my nieces wedding to attend in 1-1/2 hours time…

One of the key area’s of concern and challenge for most of us is our health & wellbeing, so rather than go into info-overflow, which I’d rather save for the 1-day Health Seminar on the 20th November in any case, here’s a brief run-down of somethings that you can begin impelementing right away (for general diets).

1. Have a hearty breakfast - porridge-based & wholegrain cereals is generally good
2. Eat wholemeal and cut-out the processed carb’s - sweets, biscuits, cakes, white sugar/flour, polished rice etc.
3. Eat some fresh fruit regularly (not processed or tinned)
4. Drink water - filtered is better - and a 1/3 of your meal should be water (the other 1/3 food; and last 1/3 air - you have to have air for combustion! No combustion, no easy digestion/metabolism)
5. Snack on pulses, nuts, seeds, been sprouts (cooked/uncooked depending on type)
6. Don’t consume drink with your meal - take 1/2 prior / after for effective metabolism
7. Take a brisk walk and..
8. Breathe deeply and deliberately - whilst you think of the air circulating around your body
9. Remember to give time to eating your meals - with good, full intention and an attitude of gratitude for the opportunity of intaking goodness to nourish your body
10. Don’t eat late - especially fatty stuff (pizza’s with coke..!); Give your digestive system a break - and then have beak-fast!

Hope this help along the way and take note that we’ll have Abdul Kareem, Former Practioner in Tradional Herbal Medicine turned Health Coach (thanks to Ark2Ark who’ll be presenting on the day.

But stick to some of the key principles outlined above and I can assure you’ll be on the way to feeling energised, focussed and in control. Do it for 10 days so you can challenge the urges…

For Success, Contenement & Good Health,

Asad Khan

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Often times people will get stuck on an issue that pre-occupies the mind no end. This could range in form and type where on the one hand it may be about someone having uttered something, perhaps neglectfully, rather than maliciously, and on the other hand it could about who to share the rest of your life with! What I have found most interestingly is this: that people are prepared to make huge personal sacrifices, to say health or time, for the sake of pre-occupation with an issue.

We all know that we have to continue to ride the ebbs and flow of life, so what gets us so hung-up on issues that may not even figure much in the grand scale of life? The answer is this: the lack of priorities. When a person hasn’t given sufficient thought to their place in the scheme of life, or found significant roles to fulfill, or defined their personal mission or understood which ways they are going to contribute back to the common pool of progress, then you will find a person who gets stuck into every little event - or nonevent - for the sake of utilising their finite energy in some way or another.

But take a person who has given due consideration to their personal roles, mission, vision, ambition, areas of contribution, relationships, and code of ethics and you will find a purposeful person who lives by priorities rather than reaction.

Looking out of my office window, I can see a busy 4-way road junction that has traffic lights with pedestrian crossings on each of the four sides. Now, firstly we must appreciate the ability of invention for such useful and purposeful mechanism for creating traffic order. Secondly, it brings home the point that we have to understand, appreciate, accept, and live by an order of things that will be mutually beneficial for all. By doing so, we create harmony not only in our own personal lives, but in the lives of those who surround us.

Imagine for a moment if such technology did not exist: who would have right of way and who should remain stationary? How would drivers know when to go and when to slow down or stop? How would drivers recognise the rights of pedestrians and vice versa?

So you see, the mark of individual distinction arises from realising the priorities of affairs and most importantly, that which helps shape your life according to your best ideals and highest goals. This is something that I expand on in the workbook “How to Maximise Peace and Power through Pure Leadership” available as either an e-copy (£15) or hard copy (£20). Chapter 2 (Work The Edge) deals with the essence of leadership, personal growth, development and effectiveness with a focus on the being, rather than just the doing. Because we tend to lost sight of what really matters, we get caught-up in the thick of minor things. This isn’t to say that certain issues don’t require a greater degree of attention at particular points in time, such as picking a partner to share the rest of your life with - they do - but then we have to take it in our stride and move on. It’s not correct to remain stationary when the lights have turned green!

Similarly, the more successful people and centered people are those who deal with life’s issues almost like a traffic signal system: Red = stop = give more attention as required. Amber = slow down = take caution if changing from green upwards / or get ready to set-off if coming down from red. Green = flow through smoothly towards your desired destination.

So consider who has priority in your life? What are you paying more emphasis to? How are you dealing with issues and what level of priority do they really require? Once you grasp this key idea, you can apply the Red/ Yellow/Green code to most things and move forwards to achieving greater success and fulfillment as a result.

Get your copy of the workbook here

Best wishes,

Asad Khan

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